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Talk Derby to Me…a Night with the Windy City Rollers

30 March 2009 6 Comments

So a few years back, a woman, who I shall call Helsa Wayton, invited a humble ice skater, Niki Van CleaverYourHead, to make the jump to roller derby skating. As you may have guessed, I am “Niki VanCleaverYourHead,” but I’ve never made it to a Bout. Sure, I can tear it up on the ice rink, but could I roll and elbow my way to roller girl fame? I wasn’t sure I could cut it.

As a consolation prize, I decided to make my way to the UIC Pavilion to finally check out the “Windy City Roller’s” – Chicago’s only roller derby league. I brought along Andrew and two other friends so I would have a mini-focus group to ask: could I cut it out there?
The night consisted of two “Bouts”: Double Crossers vs. The Fury and Manic Attackers vs. Hell’s Belles. I always envisioned myself skating as a “Jammer” – the quick, agile skater that weaves around and under the legs of all the big-ass-blockers… that is until I realized that a jammer could find herself elbowed in the teeth or tripped and thrown out of the rink…head first. I also saw a fine blocker, on defense for the Double Crossers named, Sassy Squash. She soared a whopping 7 feet tall and was wide…very wide.

A couple of friends have warned me that I am too cute to skate with the big gals on the Windy City Rollers. I was offended that they didn’t think I was tough enough to make it on a team. After seeing the women of the Windy City Rollers tear it up, I may have to agree with my friends. I value my teeth…my nose too. So, I’ve decided to put my dreams of derby fame aside and just be a fan.
I bought a tee shirt instead.
So, go to a bout or two, and figure it out for yourself; could you out-skate Ruth Enasia, Blossom Bruiso or Carnage Wilson? The only question you need to ask yourself is: how much do you value your teeth?


  • peligrozotheoso said:

    i bought a t-shirt instead… lol. nice

  • LaGauchère said:

    Hi! Glad you came out – we LOVE new fans and we love playing at UIC. Want to clarify, though, that we wear mouthguards and elbowing is a FOUL. Ha. But Sassy is an amazing blocker and Ruth Enasia (me) is trying to get better each day. Hope you can make it again! More info: http://www.windycityrollers.com

    -Ruth Enasia #81

  • Nicole Martorano Van Cleve said:

    Thanks for the clarification, Ruth Enasia! You rock. Mouthguard or not, you ladies are amazing!

  • Anonymous said:

    Well you could do this…


  • Sassy Squash said:

    Glad that you had such a great time we hope to see you again for the next bout! Tomorrow night!!! [More info: http://www.windycityrollers.com
    Come cheer for me!!! YAY! GO XX

    For the record…Ruth is actually about 2 inches taller than me :)

    -Sassy Squash #10

  • Nicole Martorano Van Cleve said:

    I would much prefer to be your fan than your skating opponent! GOOD Luck SASSY! Best name ever!

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